How India’s Repression Around Sex Contributes to a Dangerous Culture

 How India’s Repression Around Sex Contributes to a Dangerous Culture

- By Sarah Khan

MAIN CAUSES

Sexual repression and lack of privacy in Indian society, especially for unmarried adults, lead to frustration and distorted behaviours, which could contribute to instances of sexual violence.  

This sexual repression is compounded by 

1. Social stigma (and limited access to safe spaces for intimacy)

2. Absence of comprehensive sex education

3. Upbringing

4. Religious morality

We'll explore each one by one.

1. SOCIAL STIGMA AND MORAL POLICING

Indian society is so much bounded by “Sanskar” that there is no privacy and a hell lot of moral policing in the intermixing of the opposite sexes.

• Many adults have to live with parents, which isn't an issue but adults should be given the liberty to go out and explore the world too, especially women. 
• Hostels are separate for boys and girls. Most flats don't allow entry to the opposite gender. 
• Hotels often refuse entry to unmarried couples. Those that allow have a risk of being raided. There isn't safety for unmarried couples in hotels and safe ones demand high prices. A recent OYO rule also says to not allow entry to unmarried couples ultimately discouraging entry to adults who aren’t encouraged for marriage due to households and societal pressure. 
• Kissing, hugging are also considered as PDA (public display of affection) and they're seen as an offense by the public and authorities and condemned at public and private settings. Couples are harassed in parks, private and public places. 

Outcome - This moral policing turns natural desires into guilt. As a result, there's no privacy for unmarried couples anywhere. Adults get sexually frustrated and go for illegal ways to indulge in sex. 

Further Result - 

• Sexual Frustration Turns into Repression 

- Couples feel like they're doing something “wrong” for loving each other. And hence, love is also repressed.

- Women, especially, are judged more harshly on their character.

- Resentment builds up, especially if only one partner has access to privacy (e.g., men more than women)       

• Couples may resort to unsafe locations (parks, public washrooms, isolated areas), risking harassment or legal trouble. Some individuals seek paid or coercive sex as an outlet.
• There’s a higher chance of unwanted pregnancies and STDs due to lack of protection and information. 
• This can feed into rape culture, where men justify harassment or assault because their desires were “denied”. When their normal desires are repressed and disallowed, they don’t stop the desires, they indulge into secretive and often immoral ways of achieving it.

2. ABSENCE OF COMPREHENSIVE SEX EDUCATION   

• Although, Reproduction chapter is in the schools’ NCERT curriculum, there is no discussion about consent, pleasure, safety, or boundaries. 
• Moreover, that chapter is laughed away in classes, it's not taught properly. The teacher herself or himself is embarrassed to teach it. Students, hence, don't understand what it is properly in class. 
• Teenagers don't get sex education in India because of which they try asking ppl and searching on net (some even go for porn), indulging in half information and distorted version of sex. 
• Without empathy-based, body-positive, and fact-based education, the concept of mutual respect in intimacy cannot be taught. 

As a result, the students grow up to believe that sex is shameful or violent.    

3. UPBRINGING

Teenagers are pushed away from the opposite sex constantly by parents, by school authorities, by society. This is done mostly to girls by constant phone surveillance, time restrictions, Clothing regulations etc. (we all know and have faced them already dll our lives) 

Since boys and girls are kept aloof from each other, they perceive each other as a different specie and don't understand how to behave with the opposite sex. 

For instance, ppl living near Taj Mahal would find it ordinary and not push themselves into it with curiosity bez there's easy interaction. (that's a lame example, but i hope u understood what i mean ;))

Now, it's not like I'm objectifying girls as Taj Mahal, I'm telling you that interaction is a path to understanding, not society going astray. 

This creates a climate where natural desires are bottled up, not expressed safely. 

4. RELIGIOUS MORALITY

In Indian culture, religious morality strongly shapes social norms around sex, love, and relationships. 

The problem - 1. Religious morality is being forced as a universal law 

2. It silences healthy conversations about sex, consent, and emotions

3. It denies unmarried adults the privacy and dignity they deserve

Religiously, sex before marriage could be wrong but legally it is not wrong when consent of both individuals is involved. Religious morality doesn't govern the laws. 

Choosing not to have sex before marriage for religious or personal reasons is completely valid.

What's not okay is: 

1. Policing everyone else’s choices

2. Denying privacy to all couples

3. Equating intimacy with crime

4. Treating sex as shameful or dirty       

Repression doesn't promote purity—it promotes ignorance, frustration, and fear. Many women are taught: “Don’t fall into temptation”, “Sex makes it harder to leave a man if he hurts you”, “Your worth is in your virginity” There's truth in the emotional vulnerability that intimacy can create. Yes, being physically involved can make breakups harder. Yes, betrayal hurts more when you've been that close. And yes—Islam and other faiths discourage premarital sex maybe for that reason.

But

- we need space to make informed choices, not to be imposed on

- understand consequences of intimacy, not just fear them

- Have the privacy to love, bond, or even make mistakes  

That's what freedom with responsibility looks like.

I'm not saying "go have sex before marriage." 

I'm saying don't create a society where repression replaces respect. 

You can live by your morals—just don’t let them silence education, dignity, or consent.

Premarital sex need to be decriminalized in the eyes of society. What needs to be criminalised instead is the betrayal usually men do by having sex with a condition to marry the woman. If both of them had discussed beforehand if they're doing for fun or with the promise of marriage, that's to be considered. What we need to criminalise is cheating in relationship (by having sex with somebody outside of relationship without partner's decision)

& If we criminalise betrayal and disloyalty in society, the business of red flags might be stopped and breakup trauma would be saved as ppl would think twice before betraying their partner. 

THE MYTH OF SOCIETY GETTING CORRUPT IF PRIVACY IS NORMALISED 

Critics argue that creating such open spaces would "corrupt" youth, but that's a moral panic, not reality-based. 

Globally, countries with more sexual openness— like the Netherlands or Sweden—have:

-Less sexual violence

-Better consent culture

-Better sexual health

-And Healthier relationships      

Because they treat sex as education, not a crime. 

A society that treats love as sin ends up nurturing violence. Sexual frustration is not an excuse for violence—but denying adults healthy outlets creates a toxic environment. It doesn’t protect society. It only builds pressure. 

DEBUNKING THE MYTH

1. Societal fear is that giving access to private spaces would “spoil” society—but denying privacy only pushes people into shame and secrecy.

2. People will not stop having sex if you don't give them a private space, control their desires by putting restrictions. No amount of surveillance can stop them having sex. What you need is to inform them about consent, boundaries, anatomy and emotional intelligence so they make an informed decision.

3. If people are aware, they might choose to do or not do it. But if they aren't aware, they are going to try it to know about it often in the wrong ways.

4. When people are taught consent, have healthy outlets, and can form romantic or sexual relationships freely and responsibly, they're less likely to resort to violence, coercion, or shamedriven behavior.

5. Making sex normal, not secretive, removes its “forbidden fruit” status. This demystifies it, reducing the obsession and aggressiveness around it.  

SOLUTIONS (OPINIONATIVE)

a) Couple-friendly accommodations at affordable rates 

b) Housing policies that don’t moral-police adult men and women

c) Educating hotel staff, police, and public on legal rights of consenting adults

d) PDA should be allowed in selected parks where children and insecure people might not be allowed, those parks should only be for committed couples with proper security guards outside (so as to prevent rapes)

e) Instead of suppressing natural human desires, society should create safe, consensual, and informed environments for adults, which could potentially reduce harmful behaviors including rape.

f) Real comprehensive sex education should be introduced early, focusing on consent, respect, anatomy, gender, sexual orientation, and emotional intelligence. 

If we normalize consensual intimacy and create safer, judgment-free spaces, it might reduce risk of illegal, violent, or non-consensual acts.